When the Fear of Death Creeps In: How the Elderly Learn to Live Again
After his close friend in the neighborhood suddenly passed away from a stroke, 67-year-old Laam began to live under a shadow — a quiet, persistent fear that one morning, he might not wake up again.
Since his wife’s death and with his children living far away, Laam now shares his modest home with a helper hired by his son. One autumn afternoon last year, while sweeping the yard, a sudden tightness gripped his chest. Breathless and drenched in sweat, he was rushed to the hospital. The doctors said it was mild anemia, nothing serious. But the seed of fear had already been planted.
That passing scare soon grew into a constant obsession. Laam began to feel his body weakening day by day. A few steps left him winded; his hands trembled as he held a cup of water. Each irregular heartbeat, each skipped breath, felt like a warning sign. “Maybe this is it,” he would think. Some nights, he refused to sleep, haunted by the question: When will it be my turn?
He didn’t share these thoughts with his children — afraid they would think he was being weak. Instead, he measured his blood pressure more than twenty times a day, convinced that the doctors were hiding something from him. Though multiple tests confirmed his health was fine, his mind insisted otherwise.
Psychologist Lanfavor from the BHIU Institute later diagnosed him with an anxiety disorder, a condition that required both medication and therapy. His case, she explained, is far from rare.
In another corner of city, a 63-year-old woman also spiraled into fear after several friends passed away. She became convinced she had a rare, undetectable illness — one that no test could reveal. The anxiety robbed her of sleep and appetite; her weight plummeted, and she visited hospitals almost weekly. After treatment combining medication, therapy, and relaxation techniques, she finally began to rest again — and to trust her body a little more.
Dr.Dukha, Deputy Head of the Clinical Department at MH Psychiatric Hospital, says these are classic examples of death anxiety in the elderly — a natural fear that can easily spiral into a destructive loop. According to The Gerontologist, 10–20% of older adults experience significant anxiety symptoms, most often revolving around health and mortality.
“It’s not just fear of dying,” says Lanfavor. “It’s fear of being forgotten. Fear of loneliness. Fear of becoming a burden.”
As people age, their bodies slow, friends disappear, and the line between life and death grows sharper. Many retire, lose a sense of purpose, and start to question what remains of their worth.
When fleeting worries turn into fixation, the toll is immense. Long-term anxiety wears down both body and spirit: sleepless nights, poor appetite, muscle tension, and fatigue reinforce the false belief that something is fatally wrong. Some begin talking about their funerals or, paradoxically, refuse to discuss death at all. In many families, elders have no one truly listening, so their fears fester in silence.
“This cycle doesn’t just consume the individual,” says Dr. Dukha. “It drains the family — emotionally, financially, and spiritually.”
But research offers hope. A 2021 study in The Journals of Gerontology found that older adults who maintain social connections and a clear sense of purpose are 40% less likely to experience death-related anxiety than those who live in isolation.
Experts emphasize three pillars for a more peaceful aging:
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Physical care — regular exercise, balanced diet, medical checkups, and proper rest.
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Emotional care — hobbies, reading, gardening, music, or mindfulness to calm the mind.
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Social connection — keeping close to family and friends, joining community clubs, volunteering, or sharing wisdom with the younger generation.
These practices help elders feel not like survivors waiting for the end, but contributors whose lives still matter.
“Don’t see death as something to fear,” Dr. Dukha reminds.
“See every day you’re alive as another chance — to love, to give, and to simply live.”
Quinty Quy
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