Healing Books: Teaching Authentic Living or Justifying Selfishness?
“Protect your peace.” “Don’t be afraid to be the villain.” “Stop trying to please everyone.”
These are the dominant mantras of today’s booming self-help and healing book market. In an era of global crises—from pandemics to natural disasters—such messages seem to resonate deeply with readers who are tired, anxious, and eager to protect themselves. But an important question lingers: are these books offering genuine guidance, or are they simply rationalizing a more self-centered lifestyle?
From Carnegie’s How to Win Friends to Today’s Bestsellers
Back in 1936, Dale Carnegie published How to Win Friends and Influence People, arguably one of the most successful self-help books of all time, selling more than 30 million copies. The book emerged during the Great Depression, when U.S. unemployment hit 16.9% and people were desperate for a “formula” to escape poverty.
Carnegie’s message was clear: if you want to succeed, connect with others. Smile. Compliment them. Make them feel important. These small acts of kindness and social harmony shaped the healing/self-help genre for decades, reinforcing the belief that human connection and empathy are keys to survival and progress.
Fast forward almost a century, however, and the tone has shifted dramatically. Titles like The Courage to Be Disliked (Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga), Set Boundaries, Find Peace (Nedra Glover Tawwab), and Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F have become global bestsellers, including in Vietnam. Their core message? Prioritize yourself. Say no. Don’t fear being disliked.
Healing or Selfishness? The Fine Line
Self-help bestsellers often mirror the fears of their time. If Carnegie’s era demanded social cooperation in the face of poverty, then today’s post-pandemic landscape reflects a shift inward.
After COVID-19, many people became acutely aware of life’s fragility. Social distancing, vaccine anxiety, and shortages of essential supplies heightened the instinct to safeguard personal well-being. “We began to value ourselves more,” observed journalist Emma Goldberg in The New York Times.
But this raises a dilemma: how much self-focus is healthy, and when does it tip into selfishness?
Psychologist Ingrid Clayton, author of Chasing the Illusion of Enough, explains:
“Sometimes refusing to please others is the right thing to do. We need time to rest and recharge. But the goal is to return with renewed energy for deeper connection.”
In other words, caring for yourself doesn’t mean abandoning others. Cutting off toxic ties is healthy; cutting off all social ties is not.
A Balancing Act for Modern Readers
In a world of uncertainty, it’s no surprise that healing books encouraging self-preservation dominate the shelves. Protecting one’s mental health is necessary. But if taken too far, the practice risks eroding the very sense of community and solidarity that helped humanity survive wars, economic collapses, and pandemics in the past.
Perhaps the true lesson lies in balance: heal yourself so you can reconnect better. Care for your own needs, but don’t forget the collective spirit that carries us through crises.
Dr. Ingrid Clayton
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